Disadvantaged Boy Meets Disadvantaged Girl
by Cpl. Bull S. Kwikki
Summary: Shawn and Katy's relationship begins to fall apart just after their engagement. Maya frets that Shawn is about to drift away from her life and as a result, she finds herself developing a bad crush on him. What's a girl to do? [Rated M for taboo / controversial subject matter, a potential season 3 episode.]
1. Back Story and Character List

Previously on Girl Meets World:

Disadvantaged Girl Maya has a dead beat dad for a father and an inattentive loser for a mother. Through best friend Riley, Maya meets Riley's father's best friend Shawn, the former Disadvantaged Boy from the original "Boy Meets World" series and they bond over their shared disadvantedness. Riley then gets Shawn to begin dating Maya's mother Katy in order for Shawn to become Maya's "father." Shawn has Maya model fancy new clothes and has his breath taken away like a father (or a creepy pervert) would. With every proceeding episode, Katy becomes less of a loser, she and Shawn go on a few more dates (which the audience doesn't see), they get surprise engaged, blah blah blah, presumably happy ending.

* * *

The episode arc is:

Girl Meets Father, Girl Meets Maya's Mother, Girl Meets Home for the Holidays, Girl Meets Master Plan, Girl Meets Pluto, Girl Meets Hurricane, Girl Meets Upstate

* * *

Character List:

Riley – The golden child. The sun/daughter that all the other characters revolve around. Is a queer in the classical sense. May also be a queer in the modern sense.

Maya – the crown 'Disadvantaged Girl' of the program and best friend of Riley. Think Sam Puckett, but more realistic, if only slightly. She has no father, and only half a mom, which equals exactly 0.5 parents.

Cory – Riley's equally queer father (hey, everyone's a little queer as Weezer can attest), the teacher of Riley, Maya, and all of their degenerate friends (if you remember, Cory juuust happened to be promoted to being a freshman history teacher last spring, and Riley, Maya, and all their friends juuuust happen to be sharing the same 1st period history class, uuuuuuuhhhhgain, uuuuvvvv course)

Shawn – the former 'Disadvantaged Boy' on Boy Meets World, current globetrotting photojournalist, and best friend to Cory. Between the period of Boy Meets World and Girl Meets World, he lost his 1990s Jonathan Taylor Thomas/Dylan Klebold 'curtained' haircut, and gained a 2010s Disney friendly hipster beard

Topanga – Cory's wife, Riley's mother. Despite being a busy lawyer / bakery entrepreneur, always seems to have time to hang out at home with her family

Katy – Maya's waitress mother, initially introduced as a flaky, inattentive, vainglorious loser on the show, then upgraded to jilted lover, then further upgraded to marrying material by a hapless writing team. Is demoted to being loser in this fanfiction

Farkle – Star student at Riley and Maya's high school. The wonk of the show, especially hip to current (and not so current) events and world news. Surprisingly sociable for an autistic kid

Lucas – Riley's pseudo boyfriend, from Texas, a cowboy (like everybody from Texas). Until just recently, Riley and Maya had been fighting over his affection (is that plot arc finally done with? Jeez!)

Zay – A token black kid introduced in Season 2 (Al Sharpton must've given Disney the shakedown, XYZ Affair style, no?), is also from Texas and miraculously is old friends with Lucas

3 Taco Sarah – A background student in Cory's class who constantly muffs / flubs / butchers her lines. Seriously how did she land a job on this show? She must know someone…


	2. Scene 1

Scene 1

* * *

References in this scene:

"Cabin Fever" (2002), "Ferrets: The Pursuit of Excellence" PBS documentary, Joy Division's own Ian Curtis, They Might be Giants's song "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)," "Darkman" (1990), President Obama's "Hope and Change" campaign slogan, Girl Meets Building 7 (also on this fanfiction site)

* * *

It is 3:30PM on a Thursday, early December. New York City. The former New Amsterdam. The Big Apple that Never Sleeps.

After a long day of goofing off at school, happy-go-lucky Riley Matthews and her disadvantaged best friend Maya Hart travel unsupervised by subway towards the Hart family apartment. Usually they head straight to Riley's pleasant Greenwich Village brownstone after school, but today they have concocted a scheme involving Ginger, Maya's pet ferret; so they are heading to Maya's place downtown for a change.

Riley had confided in Maya earlier in the day that she was feeling invisible (!) because she had yet to win an award, trophy, or even a lousy ribbon after her first 3 months of high school, the poor thing. So today they plan to begin training Ginger in poise in order for Riley and the varmint to win a blue ribbon for "Most Fabulous Duo" at the upcoming Brooklyn Bash Ferret Festival. Maya knows that ferret conventions are (in)famous for hosting competitions that have more rewards given than participants attending (a rarity), so of course Riley will be a shoe-in.

Whereas ribbons and constant praise and affirmation have been the main thing on Riley's mind, the big thing concerning Maya lately has been the troubling situation between her mother and Shawn. With only weeks before their impending, hastily put together wedding, Katy was quickly reverting back to her flaky, inattentive, vainglorious old self. Maya is panicked; she is almost positive that Shawn is about to come to his senses and call the whole wedding off and bail on them. The situation has Maya so depressed that today she decided to wear her Joy Division t-shirt with the iconic, black and white photo of Ian Curtis (is there any other kind?) with his eyes painted blue in post.

"Shawn is going to split, I know it," she confides to Riley as she winces and rubs her temples. "Hope and change is for suckers," she growls between clenched teeth as she sulks down in the plastic subway chair.

Riley the optimist tries her best to point out the bright side of things, saying, "you guys must have been doing something fun yesterday at least; you didn't call me at all. Weren't you going to rent a movie?"

Maya nods and explains that last night, the three of them had rented Eli Roth's 2002 film "Cabin Fever" starring Rider Strong and Cerina Vincent. Apparently, Katy spent the entire trip to and from the Redbox machine arguing with Shawn over how she wanted a 'big wedding.' Maya rolls her eyes and continues explaining how once they sat down to start the movie (with Maya, Shawn, and Katy in the middle) her mother proceeded to complain about how boring it was, talking over all the expository dialogue until she promptly fell asleep 10 minutes into it. Maya's mood lifts as soon as she begins to describe all the ways that she and Shawn laughed at the movie's poor writing and directing. She goes on rapturously about how freeing it was for both of them to make fun of Katy right in front of her as she slept and share the bowl of popcorn resting on her lap.

"Ach…" Riley interjects trying to change the subject back to the film's merits. "So was this the sort of movie I would approve of?" she asks like the prude she is, being completely unaware of the movie's overabundance of violence, nudity, and cuss words.

"Well there were squirrels in it," Maya relates to her. Riley smiles.

"Oh goodie!"

"Who die."

"Rats."

"No, not rats…" Maya corrects her. "Squirrels…"

Maya winds up for the punchline. Riley smiles with her goofy teeth. "Who die," Maya finishes deadpan. Riley's smile collapses like Building 7.

Maya then focuses and squints her eyes as she sums up the b-movie, "I'd say it was _kind of_ funny in parts, but mostly it was pretty dumb and trying too hard to be scary even when there wasn't anything scary going on at all." She grins a little bashfully, staring up at the subway ceiling lost in thought, before nudging Riley a bit in her chair, finishing her critique by saying, "…the main guy in it was kind of cute at least…"

"Eye candy, my favorite kind of candy," Riley declares. She is back to smiling like she got the gas at the dentist again.

Their in(s)ane girl talk sesh and Riley's general silliness have temporarily lifted Maya's spirits and she starts feeling better just as they arrive at their departure point. The subway comes to a jarring halt. The door slides open and they stand up to exit.

"Ferret time?" Maya asks, as she locks her arm with Riley's.

"Ferret time!" Riley shouts overly loud.

Right across from where they had just been sitting a moment before, a slim mystery person completely bundled up in a big mess of clothing begins to stir from under the laundry disguise. The mystery person pulls off the mummy wrap and stands up, declaring triumphantly, "Farkle time!"

"Farkle?! You followed us?!" Riley shouts incredulously at what she formerly thought was just Darkman on laundry day.

"Yep!" Farkle responds as he creeps toward the duo.

"It was so nice of you to escort us home Farkle," Maya thanks Farkle sarcastically, "see ya tomorrow!" She pushes him back into the subway car (comic violence also uplifts her spirits) and he goes a-flyin' back into one of the bucket seats just as the doors slam shut.

He gets back up and shouts behind the glass door as the subway train begins to pull away, "but your sorrows concern meeeee!" The audience laughs at Farkle's misfortune as the familiar guitar intro to the show's theme song "Take on the World (Take on the World)" plays.


	3. Scene 2

Scene 2

* * *

References in this scene:

"Ferrets: the Pursuit of Excellence" PBS Documentary, Neutral Milk Hotel's song "Everything Is" and/or "Digestion Machine," David Berkowitz AKA The Son of Sam, Arrested Development's own Dr. Tobias Funke, Chris Farley's death, Pavement's album "Terror Twilight," The Big Bopper's song "Chantilly Lace," Elton John's rhinestone sunglasses

* * *

Just before 4PM Riley and Maya enter the rundown tenement and fly up the stairwell to Maya's floor in 30 seconds flat. Riley just can't wait to dress Ginger up in the totally fah-boo dress that she designed for the animal during Home Ec. class; a gaudy satin mess coated in a bulletproof layer of sequins, wrapped in Chantilly Lace, and topped with a pair of Elton John rhinestone sunglasses. Her creation looks about as colorful as a half digested ice cream sundae. Maya, the underachieving hipster sourpuss that she is, thought her pet should dress as a punk rocker, so she brought along a cut up trash bag for the animal to wear as an alternate costume.

Maya, being slightly faster today, nears the apartment first and hears a loud brouhaha; she instantly knows it is Shawn and Katy arguing on the other side of the door once again. She runs back a few feet down the hallway to try to push Riley back to the stairwell. Riley somehow manages to dodge Maya, banging into the crumbly walls sending asbestos a-flying, and slinking out of her biffle's reach like a moray eel in a most goofy manner. Riley is the next to stop in her tracks. Maya can tell she is shaken up. "See? This has become normal over the past few weeks," Maya explains to Riley.

"I'm sorry Maya, I had no idea. I've never heard either of them raise their voices like that before," Riley says all pouty, nearly comprehending for once in her life that people can be rotten sometimes.

Maya bites her lip slightly and says "looks like we'll have to shoot for another day, I don't want them to see you and start asking you to take sides in their stupid argument."

Riley's A.D.D. mind switches gears and she suddenly grows concerned that the ferret will be too stressed out over all the yelling to perform at the upcoming Ferret Bash. She explains exactly how she's feeling to Maya. Maya quickly thinks of a way to allay Riley's fears. "I'll give Ginger a nice massage and a bath tonight, and I can bring her over to your place to stay for a while until the competition is over."

Riley nods in a depressed wordless approval before Maya cautions her to leave before she opens the door. Riley is reluctant to go at first, but Maya spouts up, "I'll be fine. I'm always fine. Now get out of here, go home." Riley hugs her bestie tight then heads back toward the stairwell as Maya waves her off.

Maya presses her ear to the paper-thin wall (paper-thin cuz they're poor, duh) and listens in on what Shawn and her mother are arguing about. Apparently this time, Katy closed the bakery early after a talent agent visited the place and persuaded her to go on yet another worthless acting audition.

"Hey at least this time it wasn't a front for a call girl service!" Katy shouts. Even Maya has to laugh at this one through her misery.

Shawn argues that she's being too flippant with her job and adds that Topanga cares too much about Maya to fire Katy over her shirking her responsibilities, even though she should. Katy is particularly offended at the 'even though she should' part.

"Listen, I'm sorry," Shawn explains, "but if we're serious about our relationship, we can be honest with each other, right?" She holds his hands, finally willing to listen. Shawn explains that he makes enough money with his photojournalist gig to keep them afloat, and she shouldn't take any unnecessary risks for her family's sake trying to 'make it' as a thespian. He finishes by gently commanding, "no more acting Katy."

His tempered comments are of no use and Katy goes at him once more, this time about how he doesn't understand 'art' and blahblahblah. Shawn facepalms and says, beleaguered, "this is just too much. I think we jumped into this too fast; we need to postpone the wedding…" Maya's heart breaks on the other side of the door as she slides to the floor.

"Oh postpone yourself!" Katy yells as she throws his car keys at him. He catches them, despite being caught off guard. "Go up to your cabin in the woods if you don't want to live with us!" she shouts at him. That wasn't his aim, but Shawn doesn't even try to argue anymore. He grabs his leather jacket and puts his hand on the doorknob, about to exit the apartment.

She throws another set of keys at him, less angrily, more underhanded this time. "Oh by the way, could you lock up the bakery for me? I forgot to; that talent agent offered free headshots…" Her mood suddenly goes totally perky as she miraculously holds up a 4 panel headshot compilation. They are all there: the doctor, the sailor, the lumberjack, the S&M dungeon goddess. She salutes him mimicking the way she posed as the sailor on her headshot compilation.

Shawn halfway smiles and concedes with an, "uvvvv course." He goes to open the door before saying, "we'll talk tomorrow, once we both cool off? I'll take a motel." She simply nods and collapses in her La-Z-Boy, knowing she's made a mistake.

Shawn exits the apartment and closes the door silently and thoughtfully (his anger has mostly dissipated by now). He steps toward the stairwell down the hallway and nearly trips over Maya. She is sitting against the wall, drying a few tears.

Shawn says, "you heard all that I'm guessing?" Maya simply nods, staring at the wall in front of her. "Come on, get up; Grandson of Sam might be lurking." Shawn puts his hand on her apartment doorknob to let her inside.

Maya confides, "I can't go in there. I just can't face her right now. She ruins everything."

"Ehh, tonight was a team effort," Shawn lies. He waits for Maya, but she's still not moving. "Alright then, why don't you come with me?"

"You mean up to the cabin?" Maya asks, hopefully.

"No," Shawn laughs. "I'm just gonna take a motel for tonight. But you can take a stroll with me to the bakery first, then I'll bring you home. Apparently, your mother was given some sort of vague promise of an audition, so she blew off work and forgot to lock up."

"Naturally," she says, cheering herself up slightly.

"Come on kiddo, let's go before your mother hears you bawling," Shawn says to her, extending his hand to help her up.

"I wasn't bawling!" Maya laughs and lies. She takes his hand and he lifts her up off the floor. She intentionally doesn't stop her forward momentum and embraces him in a surprise hug like she's hanging onto him for dear life.

After a few moments, she nearly shouts (a la Chris Farley), "don't leeeaave me," with her ear to his chest, falling in love with his heartbeat.

"Ach…" Shawn mumbles for a second. He doesn't return the hug, but instead just pats her on top of the head like she's a cowering puppy. He's usually at a loss when it comes to consoling raw human emotion. He struggles to find his words as Maya pulls away far enough to look him in the face for a response. 'How could my mother be so stupid to blow it with him? He's awesome,' she thinks and smiles, squinting back tears.

"I'm not leaving anybody," he finally declares before wrenching himself out of her grip. "This hallway is too depressing, let's get out of here. We'll talk while we walk."

She agrees in a sense by locking her arm with his in a hammy, chummy way and takes the first step toward the stairwell. They both begin to hum a random happy silly lilt and skip along through the pain and awkward tension. They descend the staircase and exit the apartment complex into the terror twilight.


	4. Scene 3

Scene 3

* * *

References in this scene:

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, Austria's own Adolf Schicklgruber, Tommy James and the Shondells's song "Crystal Blue Persuasion," various imdb message board comments about Girl Meets World, also various imdb message board comments about George Roy Hill and Tippy Walker's uhhh working relationship, the "Step on a Crack; Break your Mother's Back" game, Larry Silverstein's New! World Trade Center(TM), Patton Oswalt's "Karate Kid" story, "This Magic Moment" by the Drifters or (if you'd rather) Jay and the Americans

* * *

Shawn and Maya travel down the sidewalk, slow and almost aimlessly at first, in order to clear their heads of the madness that Katy was causing both of them. It is late autumn; just after Thanksgiving and the dead leaves scrunch under their shoes. They share a tender moment and bond even more discussing their shared miseries, yadda yadda yadda. Shawn rages on about how difficult Katy had become recently and pinpoints her change in attitude to have happened right after he decided to move in with them last month. He is gesticulating wildly like Adolf Schicklgruber himself at this point.

Maya is usually the first one to jump in to bash her flighty mother, but has fallen almost entirely silent. She's still quite shell shocked at the situation and assumes that Shawn, despite his promises to the contrary, is about to walk out on her and Katy permanently. She stares at down at the pavement slabs they are walking on, making sure to step on every crack (SYMBOLISM!).

Along the way, Shawn makes an offhand comment saying he feels sometimes that Maya is more of a grownup than her mother. This simple complement stings her right in the heart. Shawn's kindness always made her feel a little bashful, but it had been hitting her especially hard lately; it was causing her to nearly swoon now. 'What were these feelings?' Maya ponders once again, doing her best to walk in a straight line, as the familiar bittersweet buzz rushes through her entire body, now worse than ever.

About halfway between Maya's place and the Matthews's upscale Greenwich Village apartment, they come upon the bakery. Shawn opens the front door to Topanga's (the bakery mind you, not the apartment), holds it open for Maya, and she enters. She doesn't thank him though; she's not trying to be rude (for once), she's just dizzy with emotion.

Luckily the bakery has not been ransacked despite the door being unlocked (in this universe, Bill de Blasio AKA Warren Wilhelm Jr. is not the Mayor of New York City and crime is low). Shawn goes behind the counter to make Maya her favorite cup-o-coffee in order to cheer her up. Maya takes a seat on the cushioned divan facing him and the bar. She begins to catch her breath while looking towards Shawn as he starts brewing her liquid pick-me-up. And in this magic moment, she feels completely at peace, sort of daydreaming that it's only the two of them and the little bakery making up the whole wide world.

After a faraway minute or two staring at her benefactor, Maya tries her best to bring herself back to reality from the spell she found herself under. She shakes her head and shoulders roughly like a wet dog in an attempt to come to her senses. No, that didn't do the trick; she was still feeling a little fluffy. She has to bite her lip, hard; nearly drawing blood, before finally picking up conversation with Shawn.

Maya, now back on planet earth, quickly asks Shawn about his upcoming photography gigs (what is it with chicks and professional photographers?) trying to figure out his future intentions. Just as he finishes brewing her drink, Shawn explains that he will be taking photos of the empty interiors of the New! World Trade Center(TM) (property owner Larry Silverstein had been thinking of turning the mostly unleased property into a luxury hotel) through the winter season, but from spring on out, his calendar was clear. He did have a few interesting leads though.

Shawn comes over with the cup of plain black coffee (Maya's fave) and sits down on the big comfy couch, his knees just a few inches from the emotionally ailing blonde dynamo's. He continues to explain how his old girlfriend Angela (the very name sends Maya into a slight panic and her eyes dart up from looking at the floor to look at Shawn) had mentioned more than a few times in their email correspondences that the military was always looking for experienced photographers. "Not in the warzone mind you, but on military bases, recruiting centers, consulates, stuff like that. It might be kind of fun, don't you think, a world tour?" Shawn just mentioning this seemed, to Maya, like he was looking for a way out, and was giving her a fair warning. It was all too much for her. Shawn had made her feel complete for the first time in a long time. She couldn't let him leave, no. It was time for irrationality to make a power play.

"What do you think, Maya?" Shawn asks her. Staring him in the eyes, Maya half stands up in a rush towards him, deftly dodging the coffee table katy-cornered between them. Shawn doesn't react, being lost in the determined crystal blue persuasion of her eyes for a half moment. She pounces, pushing his shoulders back against the couch. Her calves go behind her as she straddles his lap with her knees pinning him in place. She presses even closer and, true to her bad girl image, begins kissing him in the most passionate, sloppy, aggressive, serious manner possible. Some of the older audience members in their 20s and 40s cheer.

Maya closes her eyes, mentally letting go. She instinctively grinds her hips on his lap and moves her hands from his shoulders to caress the back of his head with every maneuver of her lips and tongue.

After his initial shock, Shawn closes his eyes too, giving in, and finally starts kissing back. He puts his hands on her hips, gently guiding her already gyrating body. It just feels so primally right. The make out session goes on for more than a few moments, until Shawn remembers that yes, there is an outside world. He pulls Maya off of his face, pushing her back by the shoulders. He says solemnly, looking into her goo-goo bedroom eyes, "we shouldn't be doing this." He lifts her slightly, rests her on the other cushion of the big comfy couch, and sits right back down next to her. She 'harumphs' slightly, but not feeling totally defeated, curls her legs under herself, leans her head onto his shoulder, and smiling slightly, grabs his left hand to hold like a stressball. He's kind enough not to pull away and scold her, mostly because he's too stunned; therefore, they sit silently for a bit. Maya, with her eyes half closed, stares at the floor and coffee table in front of them; she feels like she got her point across. Shawn looks forward with his eyes wide open, staring at nothing really, lost in a world of thought that rushes through his conflicted mind over this newfound jailbait situation. He ponders on; 'why did it hurt so bad to stop? Was he really that messed up? He had said before that he 'loved' Maya, but was 'in love' with Katy [a reference to dialogue in 'Girl Meets Upstate']. Was he really just in love with Maya and using Katy to get to spend more time with her? No. He hadn't even thought of Maya that way before, consciously at least. They were just friends of the same family; the rock in both their lives. Their personalities just meshed so well. Was he leading her on in some misconstrued way? Was it the clothes he bought her? The way they both opened up to each other? He certainly never argued with her like he did with Katy… They were always just cool with each other… If it were only just she and him in the world… But if Cory saw what just happened… God, if anyone did… Wow she tasted good…'

"That was a bit much," Maya concedes. "But I was going crazy inside for a second. You're not mad right?" She massages his shoulder with her jaw line, trying to ensure a "no" from him.

Shawn shakes his head. After a moment of taking everything into account, he admits, "I don't know what I'm supposed to be for you." [Unbeknownst to them, they begin to repeat the exact same dialogue from 'Girl Meets Pluto.']

"Can you just be out there for me?" Maya asks, giving Shawn's hand a good squeeze.

Shawn responds with, "yes. I can do that. I want to do that. What do you call that?"

"It doesn't matter what you call it. I just wanna know that you're there." Maya nestles her head into his neck and shoulder.

Shawn grants her the vague promise she wants, "okay, I'm there," he concludes as he lifts her hands which are still holding on to his left hand and claps them all together with his right hand clumsily. It's settled. He cares about her too much to bail now.

"Thank you Shawn," she says satisfied. They seem to have come to an understanding of sorts, and Maya's anxiousness seems mostly dissipated, though Shawn has no idea where to go from here, so he buys time.

"Okay, let's get out of here. We can talk about everything once we've both calmed down a bit okay?" He caresses her hand and continues, "maybe when your mother falls asleep during another movie?"

Maya smiles at their inside joke, rises up on her knees, and kisses him on the cheek slowly and deliberately. Her joy is short-lived. She begins looking down, a little sad that she will probably never kiss him again, running the tip of her nose along the little wet spot on his cheek. "I'm sorry that I love you…" Maya mumbles into his shoulder, almost to herself. Shawn winces and half pushes her away; he doesn't want to dig this hole any deeper tonight.

"Ach, don't be sorry," Shawn says plainly as he stands up, cutting off the 'emo'ment Maya was trying to have. He gets her to stand up by pulling her by the hand once again, declaring "time to go home, Maya." She grabs her coffee and they head for the exit. Shawn hits the lights and locks the door behind them. They begin to walk back down town towards Maya's apartment and the motel Shawn will be staying in for the night.

Unbeknownst to the pair, Riley had followed them from the apartment all the way to the bakery and had been peering in on them the entire time. She scrambled to hide behind a giant blue mailbox terminal right outside the bakery just as they were exiting the building.

Once the couple disappears into the distance, Riley stands up and says, "oh my gaaauuuud," or rather some TV-Y7, nondenominational, Disney friendly epithet…

COMMERCIAL BREAK!


	5. Commercial Break!

SCENE FFF…

JUST KIDDING!

COMMERCIAL BREAK!

* * *

References in this section:

The EPCOT Ball, Comedy Central's "Let's Bowl," The Black Lives Matter phenomenon, Freddy Gray, Michael Brown, Wallace D. Fard, Rowan Blanchard's controversial twitter comments, Social Justice Warriors/Worriers, Father Charles E. Coughlin's "Social Justice" periodical, the stage play "Anne and Emmett," Chris Rock's Saturday Night Live skit "Dark Side with Nat X," "Living with Michael Jackson," the "Scrambler" carnival ride, Meryl Streep's comments about Walt Disney, Micah X. Johnson

* * *

Thankfully it is only a short commercial break (must be one of those 25 minute timeslots). In fact, the break only has one segment; it is for "Disney 365." It stars none other than Rowan Blanchard herself holding a microphone, staring into a camera just outside the newest Disney attraction, which is housed inside a giant black ball that looks exactly like the giant white Epcot Ball (otherwise known as Spaceship Earth). In fact it really is the Epcot Ball spray painted flat black over time by thousands and thousands of graffiti 'artists.'

"Hey, I'm Rowan and I'm here on location at the newest Disney attraction: the Wallace D. Fard Memorial Black Lives Matter Museum and Exhibition Center, nestled in the former Epcot Ball of the Future in sunny Orlando, Florida. We caught up with site curator, the Honorable Reverend Pastor Muhammad Ali Jenkins 13000X for all the deets!"

The catchy theme and gaudy title graphic plays, "Disney! THREE, SIX, FIVE," as the commercial rifles through a few establishing shots of grillz and Swisher Sweets taken inside the structure's gift shop.

Now the camera crew appears to be in the reverend's office, which has lots of afrocentric paintings, tribal masks, and tiger skin rugs hanging up on the walls. Rowan sits in front of the office desk, holding the microphone toward the reverend who dresses most similar to Chris Rock in his Saturday Night Live skit "Dark Side with Nat X," wearing a dashiki and sporting a giant afro.

Rowan tries to start the interview by bragging, "as a member of the social justice community, I'm honored to be the first non African person to be allowed in the exhibit."

Reverend 13000X smiles at Rowan. His first line is, "yo thanks white bitch…" Rev. 13000X is always cursing and spouting out ridiculous racist conspiracy theories, but still manages to have the air of a friendly Epcot tour guide during the entire interview. "This memorial was founded by me and my boys after we took back what was painted colorless by the white man. Did you know the Epcot Ball was built by slaves?"

Rowan, inside panicked, but outwardly never breaking her smile, falls back to her stock responses supplied by the segment producer, "…I can't wait to see the attractions!"

"Aight bitch, let's bowl… I mean let's go!"

"Disney! THREE SIX FIVE!"

Deft cuts by the brilliant editor bring us clips of the various attractions in the Black Ball of Power with Rowan narrating in post. The first clip is of a peculiar indoor roller coaster in which each seating pod flails around like a Scrambler ride as it moves forward.

"Exhibits include 'Freddy Gray's Wild Ride,' a classic wood roller coaster with a postmodern Scrambler touch," Rowan narrates in a voice over as she flies this way and that while Rev. 13000X smiles in the other Scrambler cart as his head smashes onto the metal guardrail.

The next shot is a lovely demonstration of Disney's Circle-Vision 360° technology showing a panoramic view of downtown Ferguson, Missouri both before and after the riots of November 2014. Rowan looks around with wonder, enjoying everything she sees, "golly!"

They also show a clip from an updated version of Janet Langhart Cohen's stage play "Anne and Emmett." In this new version, Emmett Till sexually harasses Anne Frank in heaven, just like he used to do to girls on planet earth. Rowan applauds from the empty (except for her) audience like a trained seal.

Back outside the Epcot Ball, Rowan concludes her report, saying, "for Disney 365 this is…" but the good reverend runs in from off screen, grabs the mic from Rowan, and rambles on.

"Yeah, lemme just cut in here for a second white bitch." Rev. 13000X starts to babble on about how Mickey Mouse is racist because the cartoon character was initially supposed to be a blackface stereotype. He then explains in concrete terms (which can't be repeated here… by way of law) exactly how Walt Disney was 'yo racist n shit' and how he hated women (despite him having most of his animated films star female leads) and children (despite dedicating his entire life to making them happy) and oh yeah he was an anti Semite too (AKA the only non Jewish studio head in Hollywood in his time, wink-wink).

He returns the microphone to Rowan, who marvels, "wow, Meryl Streep was right! Walt Disney was a racist, sexist, homophobic monster whose life's work should be disregarded completely!" She turns to the camera, "for Disney 365, this is Rowan Blanchard, see ya!" She waves goodbye to the camera as Reverend 13000X holds his fist up defiantly in a black power victory salute a la Brother Micah X. Johnson (pbuh).


	6. Scene 4

Scene 4

* * *

References in this scene:

"The Purge" (2013), The Belgian 3/22 terror attack, Cincinatti Bengals's own Chad Ochocinco, Monica Lewinsky, Katt Williams discussing Hillary Clinton in 2008, the Zika virus, rapper Freekey Zekey, Eminem's song "My Name is," "Jane Austen's Mafia!" (1998), Gadsden Purchase, Cheap Trick, Paul McCartney's Wings, the 1910 Fruit Gum Company, the vapors (a serious disease from the late 1800s), Lord of the Blings or Rings, Dave Attell mispronouncing "Wikipedia" as "Winkypedia," Colin Ferguson and Bernie Goetz, Pavlov's trained dogs.

* * *

And with that, we return to the episode, uhh… I mean fanfiction!...

It's the next morning and Riley, still reeling from what she saw Maya and Shawn doing last night at the bakery (kissing!), tries her best to avoid her BFF. She hasn't told anyone, not even her cool, understanding parents. The news would be too shocking, even for them.

She knows she wouldn't be able to contain her emotions if she found herself alone with Maya just yet, so avoidance is her only option. She locks her window, shuts the curtains, and leaves a bit early for school, hitching a ride with her father, Cory (otherwise known as her teacher, Mr. Matthews) just before Maya is set to arrive at the bay window.

As usual, Maya climbs the scaffolding to the Matthews family brownstone apartment. She is wearing a much happier band t-shirt today (perhaps it's a vintage tee for Cheap Trick's first Japanese tour, or maybe one for Paul McCartney's Wings, or hey, how'bout one for the 1910 Fruit Gum Company or sumthin? I don't know; think of your own damn happy pop rock group! Why do I have to do all the work around here!?), reflecting her gleeful emotion. To her surprise however, she is met with a locked and curtained bay window. She texts Riley; there is no response. She calls her too; no answer. She remembers reading that back in the olden days (before cell phones), people used to 'knock' to get their associates to answer doors. She decides to 'knock' on the window to see if the same theory applied to windows. Luckily, Topanga hears her knocking and lets her inside.

They are both confused as to why Riley didn't notify Maya that she was traveling with her father today and more importantly that she didn't wait for her in the first place. It was kind of their tradition to head to school together [remember 'Girl Meets Father?']. Topanga kindly takes time out of her busy full time lawyer / mother / bakery impresario schedule to cook Maya a quick (but nutritious!) breakfast, then sends her straight off to school, alone, on the New York City subway.

Maya stares out the subway window wistfully hypnotized by the rapidly passing tiles thinking about the events of last night; 'Could Shawn ever return all the love I felt for him?... He seemed really into it before he pried me off of his face and started rambling… I just hope he doesn't split entirely; I did come on a bit hard… Put him in a weird situation…'

She is so focused that she doesn't notice that a crazed Jamaican immigrant named Colin Ferguson is holding a pistol walking towards her. She is equally oblivious to the fact that the son of crazed German immigrants named Bernie Goetz is also sneaking up on the other side of her with a revolver pulled as well. The two potential killers, prior to opening fire on poor ole' Maya, see each other's guns pulled and lock eyes. They begin laughing good naturedly, holster their weapons, and shake hands and hug like bros. "Geeve me a hug mon, geeve me high five jah!" Colin says to Bernie. They get off at the next stop to pick up some bratwurst and jerk chicken together. Maya follows right behind them.

She arrives at Abigail Adams High School unscathed and thankfully not quite late. By the time she walks into Mr. Matthews's 1st period history class the other kids have already assembled into their assigned seats and are blathering on about the latest 9th grade gossip.

Maya sits down next to Riley and greets her happily, which Riley barely even acknowledges. Sensing a chill between her best friend and herself, Maya tries to win back Riley with some morbid humor, "where were you Riles? I thought you and your family got freaky-ziki fever and had to be quarantined."

Riley simply shrugs and turns her head away to babble about basketball with Lucas. Lucas converses with her halfheartedly, but gives Maya an 'I don't know what is up with her today either' look, pacifying them both (as was his wont). Maya starts to get frustrated with Riley's behavior and is about to give her a good what-for, but the tension is cut when the late bell rings, and the students all shut their mouths like Pavlov's trained dogs.

Written on the board is "BELGIUM." Except this time, instead of "1831" being written next to the capitalized country is a month and a date: "3/22." Farkle, being hip to world news (especially when it comes to mass murder), is quite enthusiastic, "oooo, we're going to talk about the puuuuurge!" He devilishly taps his fingers together as he growls the word 'purge' like a jungle cat (a cheetah, to be more specific).

Mr. Matthews stands up from his desk with his chalkboard eraser in hand, "sorry Farkle," he says, "but Riley thought we should discuss more relevant issues," the rest of the students groan (they know Riley gets preferential treatment) as Mr. Matthews erases "BELGIUM 3/22" from the board in one clean swipe.

"But what about the purge? The puuuuuurge!" Farkle laments ala Golem from Lord of the Blings.

"It's been purged! Okay, today we're going to talk about…" Mr. Matthews turns his back to the class and begins writing on the chalkboard in a way that blocks the kids from seeing what he is actually writing. Some students peer around, trying to get a good look, but most couldn't care less. Mr. Matthews crosses his t's and dots his i's with a great fury, much like Zorro. What was he writing?

He pulls away, grinning. It is written: "SEX SCANDAL!"

"Sex scandal? Belgium will have to wait!" Farkle jokes as he nearly falls out of his seat, seemingly with a touch of the vapors.

"Oo I feel like I'm in a PG-13 movie!" Riley giggles to everyone who will listen.

"That reminds me Riles, what do you want for your 15th birthday?" Maya asks Riley, trying to make up for whatever mystery thing she did to make her biffle mad at her.

Riley turns to Maya, "nothing from you!" is her only response.

Maya is still confused about Riley's spastic attitude problem and holds up her hands in frustration asking, "what is wrong with you today?"

"Bleh!" Riley shouts as she turns away from Maya.

"Child, please: hush!" Mr. Matthews commands his petulant daughter. He gets back into his (semi) professional mood by adjusting his tie, "now, this particular scandal's ripple effects permeate to this day, even though news of it first broke in January 1998, quite a few years before any of you were even born… well, except for 3 Taco Sarah over there."

3 Taco Sarah gives him the A-okay sign; her thumb and forefinger forming a circle, with the other 3 fingers sticking up (otherwise known as the A.S.S. hole sign), as she mumbles out her one line, "thanks a lot, next semester I'll be 35!"

Mr. Matthews is the only one in class who gets her Eminem reference and bristles up in fear. "Very well then, I'll be sure to hide my stapler," he says whilst stroking his Swingline nervously.

"Farkle, you know what I'm talking about right; sex scandal from 1998?" Farkle nods hornily, "Farkle Time?" Farkle keeps a-nodding. "Farkle Time!"

Without a hitch, Farkle goes on explaining the Bill Clinton/Monica Lewinsky sex scandal in great detail. He goes on and on about Linda Tripp, Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Hillary Clinton, Matt Drudge, Kenneth Starr, the impeachment, Bill's near removal from office, the 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman Ms. Lewinsky, but I am wearing her underwear' line, etc. like his brain is tapped into Winkypedia or something. He begins running out of breath when he is almost finished discussing the scandal, so Zay rubs his shoulders in a comic manner like he is Farkle's boxing trainer as Lucas feeds him water through a bottle with a straw. Recovering from his fatigue slightly, he explains the concept of "Clinton fatigue" and its effect on the 2000 election before he promptly collapses on his desk.

"So President Clinton's secret nearly toppled his entire presidency," Mr. Matthews declares. His summation of the Clinton parable cuts deep into Riley's heart. She pouts and looks bleakly toward Maya, who is seemingly unfazed by Farkle's history lesson. Mr. Matthews continues, "my question to you is: was Clinton's personal scandal worthy of the impeachment charges?"

"You hear that Peaches, im- _peach-_ ment!" Riley looks sadly at Maya with those eyes.

"So what?" Maya says back, "Clinton is just an irrelevant old politician." [Note from the editor: oh the irony!]

Riley comes to her senses again, "I forgot, I'm not talking to you. Harumph!" Maya can't help but laugh at Riley's silliness.

Mr. Matthews continues blathering on with the aimless rhetorical questions, "…if there was an embargo in place, where did Bill get that Cuban?"

"…how could Hillary have handled the office of presidency if she couldn't even handle the presidential penis correctly?"

"…is it really considered adultery if it is oral s-" Mr. Matthews gets a little prude and blushes. He forgets he's talking to children (they are all so witty and bright!).

"What's the matter Matthews; trouble in paradise?" Maya jokes.

"You should talk!" Riley shouts at Maya.

"You're not supposed to be talking to me," Maya instructs her.

"I'm not supposed to be talking to you," Riley repeats and turns her head away.

"…and most importantly; what does all this have to do with the state mandated lesson plan? I have no idea! We were supposed to be discussing the Gadsden Purchase today!"

A fire alarm sounds, once again breaking the unforgiving tension. The southern Arizona acquisition and Belgium's 2nd generation immigrant problem are never addressed, the rhetorical questions about impeachments, Cuban cigars, and presidential penii are never answered, and the students all leave their classes single file with their hands up (it was an active shooter drill actually). Riley, as always, is one step behind Maya.

Riley, imbued with a confidence that the primal rush of a loud fire alarm gives her blood, finally finds the guts to confront Maya about the night prior, "you, me: bay window…"

"What; cut the rest of school? I'm in!" Maya yells over the fire alarm. Riley holds her back from running home.

"Err… I meant after school," Riley yells back. She lowers her hands onto Maya's shoulders and whispers into her ear as they keep walking, "I saw what you were doing in the bakery with Shawn last night."

Maya is caught off guard. Her head sinks slightly and her blood runs cold as they trod toward the emergency exit. She says nothing as we cut to commercial break… or the end of the chapter rather.


End file.
